Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

Divorce : Future tense of marriage

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

How to Kill a Lion

Here are few tips on "How to Kill a Lion"

TCS method:
Hire a lion
Give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
Lion dies of hunger and frustration

Kanbay Method :
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die

Infosys method:
Hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat ..
He will die eventually of frustration...

i-Flex method:
Hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion)
Holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:
Hire a lion ..
Tell him to merge with Goats (polaris software) and reduce his allowance...
Lion dies from fear that tomorrow he might become a goat....

Polaris Method :
Hire ..Sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ...
Change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ...change it to 8:30 AM )
Cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
Lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....

Silverline Method:
Hire a lion, declare a scandal and don't pay him...
He dies of hunger...

Quinnox method:
Hire the lion. either give him no work or ask for a premature delivery.
Lion either dies of boredom or intense physical & mental activity...

Patni method:
Hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
The lion dies before joining....

Nucsoft method:
Hire a lion,give him job of grass eating (IBBS Support)..
The lion dies from lack of eating meat...

Satyam method:
Hire a lion, give him net access..
No work..
And deport him to Chennai centre...
No water..
No electricity..
No hindi speaking ppl...
Lion dies in oblivion......

Wipro method:
Hire a lion...
Give him lots of work...
Transfer him to Wipro Lights division..
Lion dies due to Lightness...

Mastek method:
Hire a lion...
Ask him to align himself with anything and everything...
Ask him to fill complicated competency forms...
Differ increments and pay him salary of a cat...
Lion dies due to fear of getting mis-aligned or starvation...

Caritor Method:
Hire a lion...
Ask him to stay at work..
Give him vegetables to eat...
Hire 10 more lions
Give them vegetables to eat
Hire 20 more

Infotech Method:
Hire a lion at CAT salary
Tie with a Belt
Request lion to wait until belt breaks
Send Lion to US/UK
Put One more Belt
Lion Runs away(Abscond) in fear of death.

Some more ways to kill a lion:

Newton's method (Third law):
First let the lion catch you.
For every action there is equal and opposite reaction.
Implies the lion will also die

Rajnikanth method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear

Kamalahasan method :
Go near the lion
Cry like anything....
Lion will die of sorrow !

Manirathnam method :
Make sure the lion does not get sun light
Keep murmuring something in its ears
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide

George Bush Junior's method :
Tell CIA to link the lion to Al Qaida
Sent Lion to Jail
Torture the Lion
Shoot the Lion!!

Santa Singh Method:
Drink poison
Let Lion eat you
Lion is also killed!!!!!

Govinda method :
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days
Lion dies of boredom